Cuddling cows

July 17, 2019

Listen: Toast by Koffee

It’s not often you hear a song about gratitude, but that’s what you get from Koffee, a rising reggae star from Spanish Town, Jamaica. She’s only 19 and she’s already performing with Chronixx, the reigning reggae king, and in her single, Toast, she voices her thanks for everything she has. She doesn’t specify what those things are, but we presume that list includes her rapid success; her mom, whom she vocally adores; and little daily pleasures. All this, sung over a bouncing, snappy beat, confirms what we already knew to be true: Koffee makes you feel good. Listen here.

Caffeinate the children, save the world

You’ve heard that the dairy market is down ever since all these alt-milks came out (or perhaps it’s since Whole30 reminded everyone that lactose is sugar). And beyond government cheese, dairy groups are looking for uses for all the excess milk from farms that continue to produce the volume that America once demanded. One of those solutions: subsidized coffee bars in high schools, which aim to hook kids on the frothy milk in a latte, knowing that kid coffee is treat coffee. Will it work? Unclear, but I know plenty of adults who would get down with a coffee discount. Dairy lobby, where yat?

If not subsidized, then spiked

It seemed like PBR was doing just fine, but here they are branching out into coffee. Hard coffee, actually, with an ingredient list of beans, milk, and an undisclosed liquor that comprises 5% ABV. At what time of day do you consume it? Is it good? You may answer these questions if you live in any of the test markets, Pennsylvania, Maine, New Jersey, Florida, and Georgia. The rest of us will just have to pour regular old liquor into our regular old coffee. (If you are in high school, please don’t.*)

 

 

*Maybe just don’t do this at any age.

A retirement career for cows

If they’re not needed for milk, what are cows to do? Some bovine buds now have jobs as emotional support animals– not as pets, really, but as full-on therapists. A number of farms now offer “cow cuddling,” a Dutch centering practice where you lie down with a cow in a field and nestle up to it for quiet time. At a farm in Naples, NY, a two-person, hour-long session costs $75, which actually isn’t so bad, but maybe you want to take a test drive with one of those “Free Hugs” people first.

 

Starting to sniff out the similarities between “omm” and “moo.” Would you believe.

Margot