Most people would say the Olympics end in closing ceremonies, but I’m going to call the artistic swimming competition the real finale this time around. That Russian spider routine? Are we kidding? And it’s not just the ROC who showed up looking dystopian-hot; the sport FKA “synchronized swimming” seems to be rallying its global community around an edgy athletic rebrand. The Americans swam to Billie Eilish. France did a whole Cirque du Soleil thing. Perhaps the most artistic part of this event, though, is the way the newspaper embedded the all the competitors’ music choices in their article text. Slap a National Press Foundation award on top of that gold.

Elsewhere in sky travel, Delta Airlines is feeling VERY HURT about the Delta variant. “We just call it the variant,” said some representative who we can only assume had a hard time at recess back in the day. It’s not like we don’t have a model for this (we haven’t forgotten you, Corona) — the move is to remain graciously silent and wait for it to pass. But even if we did just wait, there’d still be a new variant on its way, and I think this next one should go to someone who really deserves the press. “Bezos variant” has kind of a nice ring, come to think of it.

Elsewhere in sky travel, Delta Airlines is feeling VERY HURT about the Delta variant. “We just call it the variant,” said some representative who we can only assume had a hard time at recess back in the day. It’s not like we don’t have a model for this (we haven’t forgotten you, Corona) — the move is to remain graciously silent and wait for it to pass. But even if we did just wait, there’d still be a new variant on its way, and I think this next one should go to someone who really deserves the press. “Bezos variant” has kind of a nice ring, come to think of it.

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