I really hope this is what’s playing at the face gym. Hit play and keep reading.
Two words: Face. Gym.
April 6, 2018
Yeah, I said ‘face gym’
Hahahahhahahhaha. Forgive me for not starting out with exposition, but the face gym is exactly as it sounds: you go there and you exercise your face for an hour to tone the 40! muscles! that you use! almost! NONE OF! every day! CAN you imagine. (Well, yes.) According to the founder who, by the way, has stunningly chiseled face hollows, a face workout is to botox as crossfit is to liposuction: there’s an easy, surgical way to look better, or you could, like, exercise. So now there are people (20% of whom are men, I’m told) lining up to achieve a youthful glow by running through what I imagine to be like those contortion exercises actors do before they go onstage– all with the assist of a certified face trainer. Which is exactly how you should start introducing yourself at parties:’How do I spend my 9-to-5? Oh, I just got my Face Trainer certification.’ Turns out, Zoolander is actually just life.
But if you are too lazy to work out your face
There’s now a subscription laser treatment option for you, because the one-off laser treatment’s just not enough. If you choose, you can pay somewhere in the realm of $100-$400 for a few laser treatments a month, which saves you about half the money you’d spend on full-price treatments for your facial misfortune. Just remember: if you opt laser service over face gym, you now count as both lazy *and* ugly, but at least you have the resources to amend one of those things.
Also, products!
I have no idea what this one does, it’s just the latest one to hit me on instagram. But ‘bio-fermented’ sounds authoritative, right?
Could be about time for a ‘facial positivity’ movement. Want in?
Margot