April 2, 2019

Listen: Dreamin’ by Benny Sings

Benny Sings is as syrupy sweet as his name would lead you to believe, and that is perhaps why his songs have found most success so far in TV shows commercials. Something about his voice– or maybe it’s the white-man fro– calls to mind Bob Ross in his soothing glory. But Benny’s got a little edge in the form of a funky bass. Bubblegum R&B, we’ll call it; take a listen to his new album before HBO scoops it up.

Become superior while you sleep!

You’ve tried intermittent fasting. You’ve dabbled in cryogenics. So what’s your next body hack? To anyone for whom being a standard human is not enough, there’s a new way for you to spend money: sleep tech. You might start with the Eight Sleep smart mattress, which measures all your night fidgets and adjusts your mattress accordingly, cooling down as you reach deep slumber and heating back up to wake you in the A.M., all starting at a nice $2,295. Prefer to spend more? How about Bryte, the “self-learning superbed” for $5,950? It does pretty much the same stuff, only through AI. Then there’s a set of headbands that play nice dream music into your skull, a machine that simulates calm breathing noises, and a slew of lights that dim at sleep time and brighten in the morning (perhaps you’ve also observed this pattern in THE SUN). But does a reliance on Earth’s natural rhythms help you “unlock the full potential” of sleep? Nah– you’d need branding for that.

Or, for a special boost, purified air

Ok, you’ve optimized your sleep. You feel amazing. But you just can’t shake the feeling that you’re breathing the same air as regular, non-wealthy humans. Well, we have a solution for you, too: purified air. Now all the rage in high-end hotels and restaurants around the world, luxury air purifiers are also entering the likes of the new Equinox treadmill studio and pretty much anywhere else people have excess cash. Just think of it as external blood doping– no better way to set you apart from the pack.

Or invest in a houseplant

If all this sounds good to you but you’re not sure where to start, maybe get a little plant buddy. It will eat your bad air for you (that’s how that works, right?) and you can even tell it good night and good morning, if it helps you get in the right headspace. To find the plant that’s right for you, head to The Sill, Ikea, or– gasp– your local plant store.

Youuuu arrre getting sleeeeepyyyyyyy….