In honor of the very important inventions below, I give you, “Break-Thru” by the Dirty Projectors. Wonky and great, per usual.

Struggling to roll a joint? Excited that weed is now (semi-)legal but not sure to start? Well, do I have the product for you. Meet the Otto, a new joint-rolling machine that, if placed prominently in your home, will definitely make you look like a very experienced professional. While the press calls it the Instant Pot of the weed world, I think it’s more ‘Keurig’– made by a company called ‘Banana Bros,’ which I assume is a giant innuendo, it has you dump some leaves into a chamber, which it then grinds and funnels into a little rolling paper, spitting a sweet little joint out of its canister, perfect every time. Why? Because we can.

If a joint rolling machine appeals, perhaps also consider the Lumos, a machine that lights a candle at the push of a button. Watch this deeply compelling product video and you’ll see its magic: no lighters, no flint, just a wick, lit at your touch. Of course this means you can only use candles from the self-lighting company, which will need to be shipped to you. And those candles must also sit on a special platform that you’ll have to recharge every so often. But I’d say it’s all worth it to avoid the hassle of lighting a match.

Collect away, but remember: these are for decorative use only.