The new Vampire Weekend is like if your college collaborated on a sweatshirt with Off-white: super comfy and familiar, but also acceptable to wear in public. Against all comeback odds, Koenig and Co. are actually sounding good and fresh, particularly on the juicy island bop, “This Life.” The hook, “I’ve been cheating on me/I’ve been cheating on you,” is lifted from an iLoveMakkonen song, which really is the most 2019 thing ever, and the video is appropriately abstract for this future age we’re living in. Can’t think of anything more appropriate than making Vampire Weekend’s resurrection album your Saturday listening– queue it up.

There’s a new beverage brand called “Liquid Death,” making– wait for it– canned water. Overlooking, for a moment, that water is literally the basis of life, the punk-aesthetic can is for straight-edge folks who might not identify with the rainbow of seltzers that are currently the alternative to beer at parties. So if you have trouble saying the words “Liquid Death” with a straight face, feel free to just call it “Not LaCroix.” But know that only one of these brands can “murder your thirst,” and it’s not the one that comes in pamplemousse.

If you’ve been hoping the wellness movement would die, I at least have the inverse headline for you. “Death wellness” is the new industry to watch as people look for ways to process and plan their own deaths instead of just delaying and avoiding, which is America’s current M.O. Death doulas coach people through dying as it happens, and a number of death cafés have cropped up to help people at all stages of life talk through the thing we don’t talk about enough. So maybe we take it out from under the wellness umbrella since, in contrast to the other things in there, this seems objectively useful.

Just to put our branding choices in perspective, I believe we’ve identified the real Liquid Death™.