G Perico remade Billie Jean without Michael Jackson, but with Wiz Khalifa instead, and it’s real good. I think that’s all you need to know. Clicky, clicky.

I know you’ve heard more than you’d like about the meat-alternative market and I want to take this opportunity to exhaust you further. One company is starting to develop meatless pet food… Because Animals. (That’s their name, not a justification.) We’ll assume what they mean to say is, because animals are resource-intensive to raise and slaughter and they emit too much methane in the process. But no worries, it’s not like they have an actual product yet; thus far they’ve dabbled in pet probiotics (classic) and dog treats made of nutritional yeast, but they promise they’ll be here with a solution by 2021. It’s probably ok if they don’t deliver since vets say a meat-free diet is pretty bad for dogs. Cute headline, though.

So you’ve thrown away your JUUL. The industry would like you to know that doesn’t mean you have to stop vaping. Meet Ripple, not a pea milk brand, but a single-use vape with no nicotine. Will it make you lung-sick like other vapes? Maybe! We don’t know yet, and in the dark, there’s comfort. Keep up your vices and keep handing over your money. That’s how this works.

We’ve got pet food without meat and vapes without nicotine. Now for caffeine without coffee, which Verb energy has got for you in an exceedingly well-branded package. Their bars infuse an espresso shot’s worth of green tea caffeine into ingredients like oats and almond butter for a quick hit of energy wherever you are. No jitters, just yums (also no gluten, and they’re vegan). They’re psyched for you to try them, so head to their site and try all four flavors for free (just cover $0.95 shipping).