Hugs Encouraged

February 8, 2022

Listen: Secret by Raveena ft. Vince Staples

Remember when Drake opened the Ameri-mass-market door to Afrobeats? Setting aside the associated complications for a second, it feels like Raveena might be accomplishing something similar (albeit purer) as her star rises carrying sounds of the South Asian diaspora. Her latest drop, a collaboration with Vince Staples, is a super teasy fuck-buddy duet couched in flute and sitar. How teasy? Raveena puts it this way: “What if your lover was enticing you from space and you couldn’t reach them in this realm? What if a spirit from an outer dimension ignited your sacral chakra?” Those are some lofty questions, so we’ll leave the rhetorical genius to Raveena and leave it at “HORNY.” Listen here.

Horny?

Nobody’s really watching the Olympics, but we should all be watching the headlines for gems such as, “Condoms available but hugs discouraged.” Folks are social distancing in Beijing, but since the Committee can’t not give out protection (last Covid Olympics they basically said, “uh, take these home with you,”) they’ve announced that “All Olympic-related units will provide appropriate quantities of condoms for free at the appropriate time to people who’ve checked in to stay inside the loop.” That’s lovely and responsible but seems to leave a lot of room around the interpretation of “appropriate,” does it not?  Journalists staying in the Olympic Village reportedly each got five. (What if an athlete needs six? And at an odd hour!)

Hugs Encouraged

Assuming you are not in Beijing but in Vegas, you may bring your own condoms (or not) to your own private charter on which you are scheduled to have 45 minutes of sex. Love Cloud, a sex-jet service run by a semi-disgraced pilot, will make your Mile High Club fantasy come true for a cool thousand dollars. (That’s actually the lowest-cost offering — you can also get married up there, or share a meal for inexplicably more money.)

You have to love the veiled language on this in the Times: “Love Cloud mostly books couples, but has accommodated groups of three or four, with an additional fee of $200 per person.” And you also want to pay attention to the photo captions, which include some of the piece’s most valuable information — namely, that the only thing separating the pilot from the cabin is a curtain. And that, lest you forget he was there, he’ll also sign a commemorative “membership certificate” for you at the end. Kind of makes you wonder: who is really performing the service here?

Back on Earth $

Are you just wishing for some flowers at this very casual time in February? My farmer buddy Allan and his business partner Karli have a pretty sweet deal for you on their premium, regeneratively-grown hemp flower from upstate NY. Each strain from Florist Farms has a unique terpene profile that influences its scent and effects (see their very handy terpene guide), so you can select for benefits from relaxation to mood-boosting. Another boost? Team Lorem gets 50% off the entire line through Valentine’s Day, so you can treat yourself or anyone else in your life to some quality CBD. Just use the code LoremFarms when you check out that flower.

Be Mine 💘

Margot

$ = sponsored