Does anyone else feel like Halloween equals the ’80s? Could just be because that’s when ~the generation of the moment~* grew up. Or because the entire decade was one neon-glitter costume. Maybe it’s just a giant conflation with Stranger Things? In any case, please enjoy this extremely synthy, slightly spooky dance track from French 79. It’s momentum in a box, which you’ll need out there when you’re an hour into trick-or-treating. Or drinking and dancing. Or pretending to have fun at your office party. Take a listen.
*Snake People**
**Millennials
Calling all Laguna Beach fans: did you know that Lauren Bosworth has a supplements company now? Borne of endless sophistication, it’s called “Love Wellness” and they’re here to announce their newest product, ~*Sparkle Fiber*~. Before we go any further, some FAQs:
How are these different from other fiber supplements? They sparkle.
Wait, do they actually sparkle? Well, no. Their container does.
What other wonder products does this company sell? Low-stakes women’s wellness stuff like boric acid suppositories.
Do they work as well as other brands? “UTI don’t think so.” Wait that’s also the name of a product.
Do we love wellness: YAAAAAAAASSSS.
When’s the last time you went to the dentist? Did it feel like a doctor’s office and not a luxury retail experience? If so, fret no more; a venture-backed company is here to save you. At Tend, a startup dental office in Flatiron, the fixtures are marble, the toothbrush is from Quip, and the lighting is good (bathroom selfies, obviously). A screen bears your name when you enter the dental room, which is decked in soothingly oblong monochrome furnishings. The dentistry is alas still dentistry, but you can watch Netflix with Bose headphones while it happens (because even highly trained medical professionals are your on-demand servants, heaven forbid you should interact).
How did this experience come to be? Well, $36 million, for starters, and also an innovative new business model. See, some enterprising dental businesses make money by upselling you on special procedures like “deep cleanings” and unnecessary crowns. Tend simply uses their office as a platform to peddle direct-to-consumer dental products like toothpaste and floss, which is maybe the ultimate fancy-person draw: your dentist is now a store.
This is very 2018 but to tie all these threads together, please recall that you can paint your teeth in glitter thanks to CHRŌM fashion tooth polish (like nail polish but mouth). Happy Halloween, nerds.
