If you’ve ever wondered what a hybrid of the Beatles and Hall & Oates would sound like, I’ve got the answer: Louie Short. It might be for this reason that he hasn’t quite broken through— it’s perhaps a bit derivative— but honestly, the familiarity is a delight, or as he puts it himself on the track, “brutally comfortable.” Critically acclaimed or not, this is your Friday happy listening.

Astronaut, judge, soccer player, dentist… you name a profession, Barbie’s done it. And try as she might, she can’t shake the baggage of being the Wrong Kind Of Woman as a role model for the youth. Well, fret no more: now that there’s finally a tangible market demand beyond just right-and-wrong, Mattel is venturing into new territory with gender-neutral dolls. The “Creatable World” line (isn’t that what all dolls are about?) is a set of figures shaped like 7-year-olds with short haircuts (though none so short as to read distinctly as “boy,” and you can add extensions if that’s your vibe). Each comes with an array of clothes coded along the gender spectrum, so kids can project whatever identity they want onto their person-shaped playthings.

Was that easy? Yes. But what could have been a natural sell for eons is nonetheless getting the spicy treatment from the olds: the person who covered it in TIME said, “no adult is going to have a neutral reaction to this doll,” (really?) and even the doll’s slogan panders, calling it: “A doll line designed to keep labels out and invite everyone in.” Which brings us to our annual reminder to marketers and everyone around them: be cool, guys, be cool.

Let’s say you’re A Woman, though, trying to exist in any profession or just day-to-day life. You’d better look approachable, ok? Luckily, you can now get Botox to fix Resting Bitch Face, should you have been born with such misfortune. That’s right, it’s no longer just for staving off your sexual decline and corresponding loss of value as a human being. It’s multipurpose, and it’s official: Botox makes you worthwhile.

Well, that was dark, but at least there’s a rough male equivalent. Jawzrsise is the hot new fad among men who hope to define their faces in that classic Ken doll way. Described by Vice as “a combination of a ball-gag and a pacifier,” it’s a little tool on a string that essentially helps you chew your way to jaw muscles. Or so they say. The benefits of Jawzrsise are of course unproven and vocally questioned by doctors. But even if it doesn’t do anything, it looks super cool when you chew on it (see img above), so you really can’t lose.