If you haven’t heard it by now, heads up: the new FKA Twigs is a real tearjerker. Over a video of her pole dancing (which she truly did learn for this video), she sort of wail-sighs questions about why she doesn’t do it for her partner any more. She’s bending over backward– again, the pole dancing– to please the person she’s with, and, nothing. It’s a sparse arrangement made rich with the texture of her voice, beautiful and lonely. Here’s hoping the next single is a vengeful banger.

Who needs medicine when you can have a medi*spa*? Botox injections (which were, admittedly, never quite medicine) are leaving the doctor’s office and coming to a filler bar near you, because visiting the derm is just too.damn.slow. And can we get some champagne already? At studios named things like Ject, Plump, and Alchemy,  you can get pumped up with plumper in an instagrammable room that might even have words scrawled in neon across the wall. (Ok, that’s at Ject, and the words are, “Adieu Taboo.” (If your slogan includes the word “taboo,” it seems like there might still be one.)) Point being, these places are intended for young people, signaling that face work is now a part of the ~regime~ and no one will ever be naturally beautiful ever again. So, next time you think, “maybe she’s born with it,” remember that “it,” in this instance, might be a trust fund that pays for Botox on the reg. Or, you know, could be Glossier.

Enjoy getting in and out at the Botox bar? Speaking of efficiency, there’s reportedly a new constipation pill that you can program to vibrate its way down your intestines, breaking up what ails you. “Vibrant,” named for its vibrating power and perhaps also the look of relief it imparts to patients, appears poised for a commercial debut, and the scientific community is thrilled that it replaces chemical interactions with a physical jostle. A different kind of in and out, but there you go.

For those seeking a more effortless morning glow (and, for that matter, bowel evacuation), I give you: the new Coke Coffee. That’s right, it’s coke and coffee combined in the same can, a piece of genius that you’d think would stay in the confines of a 19-year-old’s dorm. But, dorm room to board room, right?

(Gross.)