Just in time for the szn, MSCHF, of Lil-Nas-X-Nike-blood-shoe fame, appears to have made a giant Froot Loop that retails for $19.99 — or anyway, it did before it sold out. Why? Precisely. In keeping with MSCHF’s general schtick, the “Alice-in-Wonderland-esque” loop is primarily for collectors, rather than people interested in the actual subject matter (in this case, cereal). But compared to their other projects, which are typically wham-bam on the nose, this one’s a little uhhhhhh shrug, which trolls us into putting on our thinking caps to make some meaning. Here goes: Consumerism is always trying to outdo itself, often to the point of self-referential exhaustion (“hear me out, it’s goldfish but flavored like a bagel from Dunkin’s“). Like, the point is not what we’re consuming but that we consume at all. And a half-pound single loop makes you look kind of silly, doesn’t it, but look, you bought it anyway, just to have! Speaking of, anyone got an NFT they’re trying to offload?
A friend of mine recently shared a link to a very magical-looking mushroom chocolate company named Alice (get it?), and everyone was briefly excited that some enterprising folks in Oregon or something were bypassing federal law to start Millennial-marketing psychedelics online.
“Alice was born out of a desire to give people what neither the pharmaceutical industry nor supplements have provided,” the About page reads.
Upon further inspection, it turns out that “your trusted guide to mushroom exploration” offers ZERO psilocybin, actually. In its place? Adaptogens. And therefore the full adaptogenic life. One of their formulations offers “a mouthwatering chocolate bite for a clean boost of energy, focus and clarity without the crash.”
It all locks into place when you scroll down to the bio section for the founders, two blonde ladies named Lindsay and Charlotte who both have extensive experience in brand-building. Are we jumping to the front of the line in case of eventual legalization? Or are we just looking for an excuse to buy this ornament?
Speaking of brand-building. “In the early 1940s, a determined pair of young renegades arrived in California to realize their vision of an earthly paradise. High atop the hills of Los Angeles, hidden by a lush orchard and dense gardens, the flamingo-pink estate became a hedonistic enclave of sun-worship, folk mythologies, and psychedelic remedies — a secret haven for wild alchemy in the City of Angels.”
Nowadays, Flamingo Estate is outsourcing the alchemy. For $250 a pop, this high-end housegift spot will sell you a bottle of honey from the gardens of Lebron James, Ai Weiwei, Tiffany Haddish, Will Ferrell, or Julienne Moore. But what you’re really buying is the Colin-the-chicken story that accompanies anything at that markup. Julienne’s “refined team of worker bees in Montauk,” for example, feeds on Mountain Mint, Groundsel, Boneset, Asters and Goldenrod. Goldenrod!
As nonsense gifts go, this actually isn’t the worst choice, as the proceeds from each bottle go to the celebrity’s charity of choice. Only thing is, it’s not clear what counts as “proceeds” — so if you really want to contribute to the LeBron James Family Foundation, just donate directly?
One other bougie-responsible way to spend your money? Support artists. Last week I found Vincent Olinet’s bread shelf framed as a real design suggestion intended for real people, which is just so immaculate as an idea, I can’t even tell you. Direct from his bio: “By experimenting with scale and colour, Vincent remarks on society’s obsession with consumerism and incorporates an ominous tone into his otherwise humorous pieces.” Crafted from resin, these 200-to-400-euro creations will appear as a choice and not an accident if your home is literally a museum — or if it’s so pristine as to suggest that no one actually lives there. Those whose spaces fit neither of those descriptions might consider regularly leaving out a piece of toast and articulating to visitors the homage to this wonderful sculptor you just learned about.
