Behind the times

March 18, 2022

Listen: In & Out by Sonic Youth

Sonic Youth split up in 2011, but they haven’t stopped releasing ephemera from their reign on earth. The latest is In/Out/In, five tracks’ worth of mostly-instrumental jams that have been heard before but not enough, at least according to whoever is making these business decisions while refusing to entertain an actual reunion. The half-title-track “In & Out” (as distinct from its counterpart, “Out & In“), among the last things the band ever recorded, is a 7-minute wall of sound, just vamping along like a polished sound check. If gentle and minimal is your vibe today, this one’s for you.

Condoms: now officially for butt stuff

Big news this week: the first anal-sex condom has been approved by the FDA. And if your celebratory face is quickly twisting into perplexity… same.  We’ve been recommending condoms for anal for decades, right? So isn’t a normal condom also an anal condom? Well, YES, only the FDA requires condom companies to prove their effectiveness for each listed use case, and until now, no condom maker has supplied explicit data stating its effectiveness in butts. So let’s hear it for ONE Condoms, which actually did a study that, for the first time, brings anal into a sphere of activity that’s not technically off-label. Why now? You have to wonder if it’s because the heteros are doing more butt stuff, and broader customer base, etc. Better late than never, but also, 🤨.

🤨🤨🤨🤨

When you envision an hourly hotel stay, you tend to think “condom,” right? Well, in the great trickle-back-to-the-office, a number of hotels are capitalizing on the real illicit activity: naps. At the Walker Hotel in New York, $75 lets you steal away from your office for 90 minutes of eye mask and Celestial Seasonings, presumably because there are still Covid vacancies and they know your ass is back at work and resentful. So let’s say you take one of these naps. Do you tell your boss? From Clio Chang, who tried one for Curbed:

“I thought about what I was doing, both existentially and literally. I had walked 20 minutes from the office to check in and nap for 90 minutes, to presumably walk 20 minutes back to the office and return to work. At minimum, the sleep packages operate on the premise that an average boss would be okay with the average worker taking two to three hours out of the middle of their day to rest, which seems antithetical to the reasons most bosses give for calling workers back to the office to begin with.”

So yeah, the offering feels ridiculous, but recall that in the before we had startups explicitly dedicated to nap pods. When you compare the soft hotel stay to dedicated nap real estate, it almost starts to feel like an efficient use of resources.

Back to the butt $

If *you* happen to be getting into butt stuff, Cake is here to help you and your partner(s) ease in with their Backside Lovers Kit, specially designed to maximize pleasure for all parties involved. Show you care by buying the best. Get 15% off with LOREMIPSUM.

And now back on naps: there’s no place like home.

Margot

$ = sponsored